December 16, 2014


The End Of 2014

 It is crazy how completely things change. I mean really change. 

The end of the year 2014 has to be of the worst. I was lost. Beyond lost. So Lost. When I looked deep down into myself to find out the cure surrounding me and all my problems. I found that the problem was me. I was the source of all my heartache and pain. It was me who could not articulate her feelings to her friends and family. It was me who let opportunities fly by and then pondered "what could have been". It was me. I figured I needed to address my own problems

I think the best thing someone can do when they are faced with a hard time in their life is to write about it. Put it all on the table. List all the things that you are not happy with. Seeing something in perspective, makes it easier not to avoid falling in a slump of self pity. Seeing whats upsetting you, makes it easier to address the issues. It also helps with not blowing things out of proportion. I think this has been my problem for a while now. Instead of addressing what was bothering me, I unknowingly hid it and reacted off of minor things instead of the true issue. Once you address these things in your life, it is easier to fix them. While, addressing the problem is pretty obvious, sitting down and actually resolving the problem is where most people are left at a standstill. 

For me, my problem is that I cannot express my emotions, specifically my anger. When I am upset or displeased with someone or something. I shut down. I completely lose my ability to communicate. It is like the voice fairy comes away and snatches my very voice from me. It is very elementary and a characteristic I do not like at all about myself. It is hard going through life watching people take advantage of you or treat you any kind of way and you do absolutely nothing simply because you do not have the courage, the will power, to speak up. It is almost as if you do not want to hurt them for hurting you. As a result, I hold so many of my emotions in and I do not properly deal with them. I mean things from years ago that I should be over, that I could be over, had I dealt with my feelings properly then and not sweep them under the rug. 

So, for my New Year's Resolution, I want to express my feelings more. Everyday, I want to be able to express feelings of emotions that I would usually suppress whether its hugging someone, scolding someone whatever. I want to be heard. I. Want. People. To. Know. How. I. Feel. I need them to. I cannot go another year, another week, or day hiding how I feel and having my voice unheard. Starting today, I vow, little by little, to always respectfully express my opinions or feelings to my loved ones.